From Where You Are
by SarBear1112
Summary: BL oneshot from where OTH is currently at with 8x17.  Brooke is at the hospital looking back on the past few years and how that has led up to this critical moment that will change her forever, or maybe just back to who she's supposed to be.


_A/N-This is a one shot about BL as individuals, how they fit together, and where the show is now. There is no rewriting what's happened up to where OTH is now, but knowing the history is definitely recommended as I start with a long overview of Brooke's thoughts of what's happened in the past few seasons._

_If you've ever loved somebody put your hands up_

_Now they're gone and your wishing you could give them everything_

She sat with her head in my hands, staring at the colored tiles of the hospital floor. She had learned a long time ago that the predicted destination was merely the easy one, but not usually the right one. But knowing that never made this feeling go away.

Things had changed since her best friend Peyton left town with her daughter, Sawyer, and Lucas. Originally it was their version of a honeymoon. They set to the sea to visit Karen, Andy, and Lily. And as much as they had a makeshift family in Tree Hill with friends, they had chosen to extend their honeymoon. For the _past two freakin years_! But now, as Brooke sat alone staring at the floor, she understood. She would kill to have that.

But she wanted it at _home_, in Tree Hill. Not Los Angeles, not New York, not out at sea. Her husband, Julian, did not grasp what this concept meant to her. And if she was being honest with herself, she didn't think he ever would understand that part of her history with this little town. Amazingly enough, not many people did. Except Lucas.

Lucas Scott. Just thinking that familiar name sent a shiver up her spine. It was unbelievable how far they'd both come in their lives, and how far they had fallen at the same time. She had read the letters between him and Haley, occasionally adding her own _PS: Brooke says hi_. She had had numerous phone calls with Peyton about how Sawyer's blonde curls were getting longer and more out of control, or about how she was relieved Haley had taken over the studio because of how _exhausting _but also exhilarating it is to be a parent. Since the two of them left, they had become silhouettes in her mind of the two people she used to love the most. The ones who still had the ability to break her heart the most with their absence.

But, as far as she knew, they were happy. And that's all she ever wanted for them. Hell, if was practically the story of _her _life. So why couldn't she, Brooke Davis, ever land the right side of the coin?

Sure, she has Julian. He is like her best friend and her husband at the same time. Their relationship is one of comfort; the comfort of having someone there that you can relate to on everything from parents to love triangles. She had no idea how right she was on the time capsule when she had said that someday she would marry someone like Marvin McFadden. But at that time Mouth wasn't who she was really dreaming of marrying. Because hell, all she was dreaming about was fabulous cake, romantic vows, the beautiful church, and the kick ass reception. And now at the ripe old age of 24, she envied that what she had wished for at the age of 16 was not what had come to be.

Marrying Julian was different than she had ever expected. Because well….she hadn't really expected it. Just letting someone new in had been a big step.

It was the night Lucas and Peyton left Tree Hill, and she was all alone with her thoughts, again. That tended to be a dangerous thing.

It had been quite eventful before they left. The time between her and Peyton returning to Tree Hill and Lucas and Peyton's departure was a whirlwind. She had watched them tip toe around their history, get engaged, get married, and have a baby. She even encouraged it along the way. The night they left town together almost felt like an accomplishment for herself too. Once again she had helped them find their own bliss. But there are two sides to every story.

She was used to wearing the brave face for whoever needed to hear it, even herself. Helping Peyton pursue Luke came naturally. She had decided a long time ago that there was no fighting it. But she knew in the back of her mind that it was also a defense mechanism. It was easier to cut herself off from Luke all together. Their relationship had always walked a fine line of love and loss.

Yet they were drawn together like magnets. He had known every aspect of her better than anyone in high school, and he was the first to know when she realized her dreams of a family. It seemed crazy at 22. She had a hugely successful fashion company, so many of her dreams had already come true. But not the ones that mattered.

Even more crazy was that he understood. He understood her in ways that no one else did. And crazily enough, at the age of 22, he wanted that family too. He had wanted it at 19 with Peyton, he had wanted it the next 3 years watching Nathan, Haley, and Jamie, and in time, one way or another, his dream was realized.

In the mean time, it was a dream they had realized together. Opposites as they were, and as corny as it sounds, their hearts were the same. So when Angie came along, there was nothing keeping them apart. He was completely there for her and her foster child Angie during her time in the US, just like his Uncle Keith had been there for him and his mom Karen. He claimed that his neurotic behavior during this time was some form of soul searching, but seeing this side of him with Angie, she knew him better. That guy was always inside of him.

Then Angie went home. And he went to Peyton. Both of those moves killed her inside. Her brave face remained on, and her heart remained sealed.

Things didn't get better from there. She was brutally attacked at her store. She had major issues with her mom. And then Julian came along. Right when she needed someone the most.

She could tell that he cared about her more than his smirky grin led on. But when he admitted it with those three words, she couldn't bring herself say them back. She loved that he had been for her. He was the support system she had secretly desired as she went through the attack, the stuff with her mom, Peyton's pregnancy, and the short stint with her other foster child, Sam. Maybe she did love him, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she wished she could say it back to this sweet boy standing in front of her, but those three words still belonged to someone else.

And with that, he was gone. Sam was gone. Alone again.

That was one of the greatest blessings Julian would ever give her. When he left, the only person she had left was her mother, Victoria. Like mother, like daughter, they were both stubborn and resistant to the idea of being wrong or letting anyone in, even each other. Until one night Brooke _finally _heard those three words from the person she needed to most- her mother. She then felt she had at least some form of a family that she had been missing her entire life.

But still not the one she was striving for. She went home to her empty house and sat alone on her couch once again, with nothing but her thoughts to haunt her.

That was the night Lucas and Peyton left town. It was also the night she knew how much Julian truly cared about her. Her mom had informed her that he had been the one who talked her back down to earth. Her thoughts became her worst enemy as she drove straight to the airport to go find love and a family, just like what Lucas and Peyton had just left with, and just like she had never found with her mom.

When those three words came out of her mouth she surprised herself. She had rehearsed the whole flight to LA. Nothing was going to stop her from pursuing this love that she was told she deserved so much, the love that she secretly longed for, but had no idea where to find.

Now that she had let someone in, she finally had that someone that would be there for her…..except that he wasn't.

Julian's job as a movie producer kept them apart, or at the very least out of Tree Hill. She had never found herself to be the needy, sobby one in a relationship. But with Lucas and Peyton gone, she had thought Julian could be the one to be there for her and help _her_ dreams come true. She had gone from dipping a toe in the water to jumping in completely, and her expectations were high, which was not something that Julian understood at all. For the first year or so they bickered about spending time apart, why Brooke insisted on living in Tree Hill, why she didn't understand it would be better for both of them in LA. He befriended a slutty actress named Alex, and when it brought out her insecurities, he got frustrated and left. As similar as they were and as easily as they could relate, he still didn't understand or appreciate some of the simplest and most complicated things that made her, _her_.

All the same, Brooke found herself becoming insecure to be alone, and knew that despite his imperfections, Julian did care about her. Their relationship was rocky, but when Brooke hit rock bottom, he was the one who was there for her.

Finding out she couldn't have kids was one of the most devastating things she had ever experienced. One of the things she'd been striving for the most, finding love with a child of her own, was forever lost. She resented herself for not being able to give that to Julian. And she resented him for lying to her and saying he was okay with it.

Time went on, and they moved passed the issue for the time being. Despite the fact she had written "marry me" in the sand not too long after they were officially together, it came as a surprise when Julian proposed several years later. Their intentions were different. She kicks herself now thinking about doing something so stupid. She could have learned from Lucas not to propose for the wrong reasons. It's not fair to make someone settle who isn't ready to in an attempt to get rid of the distance between you.

And just like that she was engaged to this man. It was surreal, not because she, Brooke Davis, was getting married and getting one step closer to that family she'd been striving for-but because nothing really changed. There was no hype between the two of them, no sleepless nights talking about wedding plans or being man and wife. Part of this can be blamed on another devastating loss she experienced –the voluntary loss of her company after legal problems. As much as she prided herself on knowing that there is more to life than business, this business was a huge part of her, or at least who she had been. Not to mention it left her broke.

But still. The wedding came and went without a spectacle. It was elegant and beautiful, but never quite how she pictured it. Maybe that's how it feels for everyone.

So her and her husband set their sights on the next objective-a baby. This task, unlike the wedding, she couldn't contain her enthusiasm for. They met a sweet, perky young girl named Chloe.

Chloe had found herself pregnant at 19 and not ready to raise a baby. Brooke had done her best to make her life with Julian seem perfect, but it was only after Chloe found out Brooke's real past and who she had really been that they made formal plans to adopt the baby. The dream she had set out on when she got on that plane years earlier to find Julian in LA was almost complete. Brooke Davis getting the boy and the baby.

That was until earlier tonight. Julian and I stood together in the room where Chloe was giving birth, more than ready to accept being the parents of this precious baby. No cries, no whimpers, no movement from the child. Never before had the sound of silence been so devastating. They immediately rushed the child away while I locked eyes with Chloe. I could see some estranged version of myself in her reflection. Shocked, devastated, young, and scared of losing something that she never had.

I walked over to her side and held her hand while they came in and announced what we already knew. The baby was born stillborn.

The tears came flowing without hesitation down my cheeks. I looked at Julian as the tears glistened in his eyes. How I loved this man for dreaming my dream with me.

Then I looked to my side at Chloe, biting her bottom lip and staring blankly at the wall. I leaned down next to her and squeezed her hand, observing her face twisting in pain. "It's okay," I murmured.

She looked at me with bitterness in her eyes. "No, it's not."

"It's okay to let go, Chloe."

"What the hell does that mean? I just lost my baby."

"Then act like it! It's not only okay, it's necessary to let yourself show that. It doesn't make you weak. And don't talk to me like that missy."

She sighed out, closing her eyes and letting a tear fall down her cheek. "You would have made the best mom."

A moment of silence passed by, everyone in the room still.

"Thank you. For everything," I said, trying not to ball and hustling out of the room.

Julian followed me to the hall as I walked down to the empty waiting room area. He forced me to turn around and face him, my tears full of eyes. "Brooke, I'm so sorry."

I nodded to myself with a self realizing smirk. "I know you are. Thank you."

He looked at me strangely before pulling me into a hug. I leaned my head coldly against his chest for a moment before pulling away.

"I think I just need to be alone, if you don't mind."

"Oh, well, don't you think you could use someone right now Brooke?"

"I don't really know what I need anymore, Julian."

His expression was a combination of confused and hurt. "Alright. I'll just…take a walk around the block. Maybe pick up some fashion magazines?"

"Sure."

And with that I was alone again. Alone with myself and all the strangers whirling around me as I sat down in a chair in the waiting room and let my head fall in my hands.

The thoughts in my head bustled as rapidly as the movement around me. How I always ended up in this position was a mystery to me.

_Damn it_.

I thought back on all the previous times I had found myself in a similar position with the same feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The memories of the past few years and the many before that came flooding back to me. The images and feelings of the good and the bad that it brought me in this moment were a blessing in disguise.

As hard as it is for me to give my heart, or my love, it's all I want to be able to do. And for that love to be returned.

Maybe what I need is to get back to just loving myself, for who I am, and for who I'll never be able to go through life pretending to be.

Maybe what I need is to put less pressure on the destination and just enjoy the journey.

Maybe this baby and this young woman who I had barely known for more than a few weeks had given me a gift after all, in ways that I could have never expected.

I stared at the hospital tiles bewildered and breathed deep. I would be okay. In fact, I'd be better than that. I would live a fabulous life and find my own bliss, I'd change the world in my own ways, just like I've always been destined to do. Maybe not tonight, but I'd get there.

I sat up to face the music, and on account of all the blood that had rushed to my head. I breathed one last breath, keeping my eyes peeled to the floor as I wiped away the glimmer of tears that were left, and finally lifted my gaze to the crowd of people.

I tensed up instantly, breathing halting, eyes widening at the sight in front of me. The déjà vu rushed over me as my eyes met his through the crowd. He walked towards me with intensity in his step and the same old broody expression on his face until he got closer and his face lit up with a smile. God how I missed seeing that smile, but mostly I missed being the one putting it on his face.

I stood, letting my stunned expression form into the most genuine smile that I had given anyone in a long time.

My legs moved me forward without hesitation to meet him in the middle of the crowd.

"Brooke," he said gently before I cut him off, throwing my arms around him.

I felt the familiar muscles in his arms as he embraced me around the back and held one hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, pulling away and observing him from up close. He had a little less scruff and little more tan. Damn, he knew my weakness for the end of summer body.

"Well um, my little brother and my best friend are having a baby girl. It seemed suitable that I show up for something," he said with a chuckle.

My jaw dropped. "Haley is in labor too?"

"Uh, yeah…who else would be? Is there something you need to fill me in on?"

I did my best to grin and looked to my familiar floor. "No, nothing at all."

He put his hands on my shoulders. "Hey, Brooke Davis, what's wrong?"

"Nothing big, Luke," I said, trying to brush this off. "We'll talk another time."

He turned me around, placed his arm around my shoulder and led me back to the waiting room area. "We've got time. A seriously pissed off nurse and psycho Haley just sent me away as a greeting after two years. Nice huh?"

I laughed. "You should really know women's hormones by now Luke. Speaking of, where is your baby mama?"

He glanced to the floor, the grin falling off his face.

"Oh. Maybe you have something to tell _me_."

He nodded. "Fine. But don't think I've forgotten about you. I never did."

I smirked at him. "As if that's possible buddy. Now tell me your troubles."

"Peyton and I aren't together anymore, Brooke."

"Shut up!"

"You know, last time you said that, it really wasn't all that sympathetic either," he said sarcastically.

"Yeah, and if I remember correctly, that was when you went and pulled a Naley on her in LA? And after that you had her in the palm of your hand. What in the hell happened when you shipped off to sea?"

"Nothing overly dramatic. We've just had a lot of time to….talk."

"Ah."

"Which we didn't really take the time to do _before_ getting married. Smart huh?"

"Well, talk about what? What 'talk' could have possibly led to 'let's get divorced?'"

"It's easier than you think to screw up a marriage just by _talking_."

"Come on dude, you gotta give me something."

"Well, speaking of that night in New York, she didn't exactly know."

I slapped him on the arm. "You told her?"

"It came up! Besides, the last time I left out a detail like that I ended up losing the girl," he said with a glance in my direction.

"But…"

"She doesn't blame you Brooke. I was the one who started it, remember?"

"Actually, yeah, despite all that we drank…I do."

"And all the Lindsey stuff, the way I treated her, the 'I hate you' followed by a marriage proposal? What was I thinking?"

I nodded to myself. "You were thinking you wanted a family, and you didn't want to be alone anymore."

"Yeah."

"And you knew that Peyton would give that to you."

"I guess."

"That's so wrong Luke. And you know how I know that?"

He looked at me curiously. "How?"

"Because…..." I hesitated, closing my eyes as I said the words, "I think I did the same thing."

"Seriously?" I barely opened my eyes as he was squinting at me with confusion. "Julian?" he whispered.

I hit him again. "Shhhh. And maybe."

He nodded.

"I mean, I do love him, I'm just…"

"Not _in love _with him?"

I sighed. This was hard to say out loud. "Yeah."

"I see," he said, turning forward in his chair again. "Well at least you don't get the pleasure of being able to compare yourself to Dan Scott."

"What are you talking about?"

"Dan. He went from woman to woman, broke both their hearts, got them both pregnant, abandoned a child, and what does it all stem from?"

"What?"

"My mom."

"The legend herself."

"I've had more than enough time to read as much literature as I want out on the boat. Dan had a freakin TV show _and_ wrote a book?"

"And married, then divorced Rachel, yeah, I think that covers it."

"I leave and this place goes to hell," he said, shaking his head. "Anyway, according to his book, he chose the wrong woman, and everything flopped from there. He tried to deny it, he was bitter, he ignored his child, he murdered his brother, and it all goes back to living his life in denial."

"Ah, your good old friend huh?"

"Can you believe that? I wrote some similar crap about denial in my book."

"Like father, like son."

He shook his head. "I'm not gonna make the same mistake."

"And Peyton was the mistake?"

"Of course not. She brought me Sawyer. But she's not the answer either."

"See, Lucas, listen to what you just said."

"What about it?"

"Well, you aren't planning on abandoning your kid and knocking up Lindsey, are you?"

He glared at me. "No."

"You are so the opposite of Dan. You and Nathan. You both know better than to make his mistakes."

"I guess your right."

I patted his knee. "Our parents are a part of us Luke. The good and the bad. Trust me, I get that. But we make our own paths…..and thank God for that because I believe Peyton would be Deb in this scenario, and no, if she ever even thinks about doing coke I am going to be Karen on her ass in two seconds."

"You're a good friend Brooke. To both of us. I'm sorry we haven't been around….you know I've missed this place more than anything."

"As if I _needed_ you. Please. But you better have missed me."

"Of course," he said with a chuckle.

"So….does that mean you're moving back?"

"Actually, we were tentatively planning on that sometime soon. Gotta be around so the kids can play together, you know?"

An obvious look of hurt unwillingly took over my facial expression.

"Right."

"Okay, I hit the nail on the head. Your turn."

"I can't have kids, Luke." The words still stung to say a year later.

"What do you mean? Of course you can. Even if it's not with Julian, you'll have that."

"No, Luke. I physically cannot have children. I'm infertile."

"Oh, no. Brooke…." He said, trying to pull me into his grasp.

I gave in and leaned my head on his shoulder while he put his arm around me. I closed my eyes as his chest lifted up and down with each breath.

"Are you positive?"

"Yeah," I said with a whimper.

"How did you find out?"

"Last year, I thought I was pregnant. It wasn't planned, but I was still ecstatic. _I've_ wanted this for years. So I went to the doctor, they ran some tests, and that was that."

"That seems so…sudden. I mean, we had pregnancy scares in high school."

"I know." My voice cracked. "Feels like karma or something."

"Karma for what? For taking in Angie, Sam, for always putting others above yourself?"

"Maybe you're forgetting I wasn't always that way."

"It was always in you Brooke. I knew it that morning when I dropped you off in my tow truck. Remember, we had just spent all night taking care of Peyton after she got drugged at that college party. We made coffee and you asked me if I had any brothers."

I laughed unwillingly at the memory. "I guess."

"Don't guess. Know that. It'll happen for you one way or another."

"I'd like to think so."

"Know so. You want me to help? Maybe I have the special…_touch_."

I sat up with a laugh under my breath. "Well, there is a storage closet down the hall."

"Ohh. Tempting."

It felt strangely good and bad to laugh at a time like this.

"That doesn't exactly explain what you're doing here though. Unless your plan was to kidnap a newborn baby."

"Nah. That was one of Julian's ideas, I'm more in favor of doing this the legal way."

"Well aren't you a good influence on five-head?"

"Says squinty eyes."

"You're just _so_ funny."

"Yeah well you know, I was just about to suggest you start your own comedy show. Five-head is just _so _original."

"I know. Andy taught me all who knows."

I rolled my eyes. "_Anyway, _Julian and I actually had an adoption set up with this teenage girl. She went into labor tonight."

"Wow. How have I not known about any of this?"

"You can start with the fact that you're writing Haley letters when that was always _our _thing. Traitor."

I pouted and crossed my arms while he let out a chuckle. "You're right. I asked for it with that one."

"Mhmm. But the baby….was actually, um, stillborn."

He put his head in his hands. "Oh my God, Brooke. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah. It's just so, disheartening for that little baby."

"But you're gonna be okay? I mean, as okay as you can be."

I looked at him and grinned. "We both are."

He smiled back and let his eyes wonder from my lips to my eyes in dismay. His eyes sparkled as he returned my smile. That same damn smile that made me fall in love with him so many years ago.

A nurse interrupted us at that moment. "We have a girl! Would you like to come see the baby Mr. and Mrs. Scott?"

"Sure." We laughed quietly and looked at each other awkwardly as we got up and followed her down the hall.

"Man, that always happens to us. I don't suppose we'll get free champagne here and a carriage ride back to the hotel, will we, Mr. Davis?"

He looked at me with a strange expression and a kink in his eye brow as I linked arms with him and we made our way to the room.

We entered to see Haley on the bed holding Lydia, with Jamie snuggled up in bed beside her and Nathan hovering over them.

"Look who the cat dragged in Lydia. Uncle Lucas!" Haley exclaimed as Jamie jumped up to greet him. He tackled Luke in the leg as Luke scooped him up.

"Oh. A tad bit heaver than the last time I saw you."

"And whose fault is that?" Jamie asked as Lucas set him down.

"You're right. I owe you. Ice cream every day after school from now on."

"Excuse me?" Haley asked from across the room.

Nathan and Brooke met eyes and shared a laugh.

"Cool, just like grandpa Dan!"

Lucas looked at Brooke with a sigh and she laughed.

"Wait, does that mean your staying?" Nathan asked as the group moved closer to the bed.

"Wow, your dad is a genius Jamie. Finishing college must be doing wonders for him."

"It's not exactly sailing around the world for two years, but yeah, it's something old man," Nate said, sharing a short embrace with Lucas.

Brooke leaned down over Haley and Lydia, her heart aching. "Wow Haley, she's so beautiful. Loveliest lady in the room right here. Well…second loveliest."

Haley grinned. "She's honored to hear that, Aunt Brooke."

"Oh yes, the things I can do with you. Jamie being a boy makes us limited in the fashion department, but you my dear Lydia are going to be the finest dressed toddler around."

"Hales," Lucas said as he leaned in closer. "Are you sure this one isn't going to look just like me again? It might give us away."

Haley's face twisted in disgust. "Okay I'm already nauseous enough."

"Can I hold her Haley?" Brooke asked as Haley gently handed her over.

Lucas stood close next to her as they touched her little fingers and rocked her back and forth.

"Oh, my, look at you, pretty girl," Brooke said to the baby. "You are gonna be so loved."

She looked up at Lucas as he returned her grin and said, "She already is."

_So I travel back_

_Down that road_

_Will she come back?_

_No one knows._


End file.
